Lord Hathaway's New Bride Page 10

But it was clear to him now that this woman would always be his weakness. How he could still desire her even though he knew she wanted nothing to do with him was a mystery—one he feared he would never solve.

  James’s uncle had married a woman quite a few years younger than himself, hoping she’d give him a son to inherit the Hathaway title. Their marriage had lasted twelve years, but the union had not resulted in any offspring. Now, just thirteen months after his passing, Miranda Hathaway was marrying a man she appeared to love. It was equally clear to him that Sanderson was just as enamored of his wife-to-be. James was happy for the pair, but he couldn’t help feeling a pang of envy.

  The actual wedding ceremony wasn’t long. Seeing the way Miranda and Sanderson looked at each other, James couldn’t help but contrast the event to his own wedding to Sarah. She had done an admirable job of hiding her discomfort, but he’d been aware of it nonetheless. He wondered how many other people had been aware of her reluctance to marry him.

  Probably everyone.

  Normally he tried not to think back to that day, but given his wife’s recent behavior, it was impossible to ignore the fact that nothing had changed in the past six months of their marriage. Yes, she was a willing partner in the bedroom, but she hadn’t given him any indication that her feelings for him had changed outside of that room. The hope he’d harbored after receiving her Christmas gift had only proven how much of a fool he was when it came to his wife.

  He had to endure the walk back to the estate for the wedding breakfast with Sarah clinging to his arm. In contrast to the way she had ignored him during their carriage ride that morning or the way she had snapped at him after they’d arrived, she seemed to be going out of her way to be pleasant to him. Much as he wanted to take her new behavior at face value, he knew she was only putting on a show for the other guests. He supposed he should be grateful. Marriages of convenience were common among the ton but he was very aware that he didn’t fit in. Anyone witnessing her cool behavior toward him would assume—correctly—that she was miserable in her marriage and laid the blame squarely at his feet.

  When she smiled at him before taking her seat at the breakfast table, he had to hold back the urge to tell her that she needn’t pretend quite so prettily for his sake. Instead, he told himself that at least here he wouldn’t have to worry about finding his wife alone, yet again, with the man she loved.

  Chapter 13

  By the time Sarah retired for the night, her jaw ached from forcing herself to smile, and her head was pounding. The doctor had told her she would tire more easily because of her pregnancy, but she recognized that her fatigue stemmed from more than her physical condition.

  As the maid helped her unbutton her dress and unlace her too-tight corset, she had to acknowledge that she was dejected by how the day had progressed. James had barely spoken to her during the wedding breakfast, and when it was over he’d taken his leave with a small bow. When the newly married couple had disappeared as well, she’d hoped to retire to their room and rest for a bit. But the earl’s sisters had thwarted that plan, having scheduled several activities to occupy their guests.

  She hadn’t seen James again until dinner, which proved to be a dreadfully long affair. Worse, she’d had to sit opposite him and watch as another woman—a young widow to whom Sarah had taken an instant dislike—all but offered herself up to him.

  She was seated next to a middle-aged, talkative gentleman, so she couldn’t overhear her husband’s conversation, but whatever they were discussing seemed to amuse James. Really, the way the woman leaned into him, even having the nerve to place her hand on James’s arm while she laughed at everything he said, made Sarah want to climb over the dining room table and claw out her eyes.

  She wanted to believe that her husband was putting on a show for her benefit, paying her back in kind for what he believed to be her transgressions with Robert. But the fact that he never glanced in her direction caused her to doubt that was his motivation. Surely if he were trying to make her jealous, he would have glanced at her at least once to gauge her reaction to his performance.

  No, her stomach had turned into a dark knot of despair at the realization that he simply didn’t care how she was taking their intimate tête-à-tête. In fact, he seemed not to be aware of her presence at all.

  As she dismissed the maid and crawled into bed, she couldn’t help but worry that it might already be too late to repair their relationship, let alone win James’s affection. Too much time had passed and she’d given him no indication about her true feelings. It was entirely possible that he had given up on her.

  She sighed. Had he even wanted her affection? She had no reason to believe he’d ever wanted anything from her other than a legitimate heir. What she’d taken as his jealousy toward Robert was, in all likelihood, the behavior of someone trying to hold on to their pride. What man wanted to be cuckolded or to raise another man’s child as his own? Certainly not James. He’d made that very clear on the day they’d wed.

  She tried to remain awake, hoping that her husband would join her soon, but fatigue pulled her into a deep sleep almost at once. When she started awake the next morning, disappointment flooded through her.

  She wasn’t sure what she expected to find when she rose from the bed. Surely there would be some sign that her husband had spent the night in their shared bedroom even if he hadn’t woken her. Rumpled sheets on the other side of the bed, a discarded cravat… something. Instead, she found the room as pristine as it had been when she’d retired. Had her husband returned to their room at all last night?

  A suspicion, almost too horrible to contemplate, formed in her mind as she remembered the way James’s dinner companion had blatantly flirted with him throughout the meal. Had James chosen, instead, to visit the widow’s bedroom last night?

  Pain lanced through her at the thought, so swift that it left her momentarily gasping for breath. Worse was the realization that when she told James she was carrying his child, he would no longer need to visit her bed. She’d hoped that would be the case when they’d first wed, but it hadn’t taken long for her to become addicted to her husband’s touch. More than that, she craved his attention. His love. But if the previous evening had shown her anything, it was that there were plenty of women willing to take her place.

  She almost didn’t hear the soft knock at the door so mired was she in fear that she had already been replaced. She had just enough time to turn away before the maid who had helped her the previous day entered the room. She quickly dashed the tears threatening to fall, took a deep breath, and turned to face the woman.

  “I’m sorry to disturb you so early, my lady, but His Lordship left word that you would be departing early. A breakfast tray will be sent up shortly.”

  Sarah took small comfort from the thought that she’d be spared the sight of watching her husband pay court to another woman while she attempted to break her fast. Such a sight would have turned her stomach, not to mention what it would have done to her heart.

  She tried to shake off her unease as the maid helped her dress. She’d have to face her husband soon, and she had no idea what she would say to him.

  Another knock at the door just as the maid was leaving signaled the arrival of her meal. But instead of a footman, the tray was brought in by James’s aunt.

  “I hope you don’t mind that I intercepted your breakfast. We haven’t had the chance to get to know one another, and since you and James will be leaving shortly, I knew this would be my only opportunity to remedy that oversight.”

  “Not at all,” Sarah said, taking the tray and carrying it to her dressing table. “I welcome the opportunity.”

  Miranda moved to the chaise and sat. James’s aunt was only a few years older than him and still a very beautiful woman. Her dark hair was pulled up into a simple but elegant knot, her gray eyes almost too large for her face. Sarah could almost feel those eyes looking deep into her soul.

  “There’s only one cup,” Sarah said. “I can ring for anot
her one—”

  Miranda shook her head. “I’ve already eaten this morning.”

  When Sarah hesitated, uncertain whether the other woman intended to watch her eat, Miranda let out a sigh.

  “I’m sorry, it appears I’ve made you nervous. That wasn’t my intention.” She shifted on the chaise. “Come sit next to me. I’ll only be a moment, then I’ll leave you to finish your meal.”

  Sarah did as the other woman requested, feeling as though she was about to be brought to task for some transgression.

  “Oh dear, I’m only making things worse. Excuse me for being blunt, but I have to ask. Do you care for my nephew?”

  Sarah considered lying, her first instinct to protect her pride. But she was tired of pushing people away. If she hadn’t been so determined to keep her husband at arm’s length, she might not be in the sorry situation in which she now found herself.

  “I didn’t expect to, but much to my surprise, I do.”

  “Andrew told me not to get involved, but I couldn’t help but notice that things are tense between you and James.”

  Sarah wanted nothing more than for the floor to open up and swallow her whole. What could she say that wasn’t already evident to everyone who saw the two of them together?

  “Does James know how you feel?”

  Sarah hadn’t expected this line of questioning. If she’d been asked, she would have said that she’d do everything in her power to ensure it never took place. But in that moment, she needed to speak to someone. She couldn’t confide in his family, and she didn’t want to burden her mother with the knowledge that she was so unhappy.

  Sarah shook her head. “He believes that I care for someone else.” She rushed to explain when she saw the frown on the other woman’s face. “There was an unspoken understanding between myself and another, but that ended before my marriage. I’ll admit, I entered the marriage not expecting to care for James, but somewhere along the way my feelings changed.”

  Miranda covered her hands, which she hadn’t realized she was clutching together in her lap.

  “Would you like me to speak to him on your behalf?”

  Sarah hated the pity she saw on the other woman’s face. “And say what? It is clear to everyone that you and Lord Sanderson care deeply for one another, but most marriages aren’t love matches.”

  Miranda seemed to weigh her words before speaking. “Andrew believes that my nephew cares for you.”

  Sarah couldn’t hold back her mirthless laugh at that bit of absurdity despite the fact that the other woman’s words had caused her heart to clench. “Oh, he likes me well enough in bed. It’s all the other times when he can’t bear to even look at me.”

  Miranda would understand how such marriages worked. She, herself, had been in a similar marriage to the former Viscount Hathaway before his death had left her a widow.

  Miranda squeezed Sarah’s hand again before releasing it. “I really don’t think that’s true. Perhaps it’s time for you to take a chance and tell him how you feel.” Sarah was about to protest, but Miranda continued. “Would you really be more unhappy if you tried and failed than you are right now?”

  Sarah honestly couldn’t answer that question.

  Miranda gave her a quick hug, then stood and took her leave.

  Sarah sat there for several minutes, unable to banish Miranda’s words from her mind. She wasn’t sure if she could summon up the courage to tell James that she loved him, but it was time for him to learn that he might soon be getting his heir.

  James regretted his decision to ride in the carriage with his wife almost as soon as they left Sanderson’s estate. It wasn’t so much Miranda’s comment about how tedious the journey home would be for Sarah alone in the carriage that had him changing his mind but the look of disappointment on Miranda’s face when he’d started to tell her that he would be riding alongside the carriage. He knew that his aunt and her new husband were in love, and it was clear that Miranda hoped the same was true of his marriage. For some reason he couldn’t fathom, she seemed oddly insistent that James remain with his wife.

  The carriage felt even more cramped than it had on their trip to Sanderson’s estate the previous morning. He was acutely aware of his wife’s presence, and he decided that he’d been away from her for too long. It was almost two weeks since they’d made love, something which he planned to correct that evening after their return.

  Until then, thoughts of what he wanted to do with her plagued him.

  Last night had been hell. He’d retired very late in order to avoid Sarah. She’d been going to bed earlier of late, and by the time he’d returned to their shared bedroom, she’d been asleep. He’d spent a miserable night on the chaise longue, battling the urge to crawl into bed with her. He’d finally given up trying to get any real rest at about five in the morning and had dressed quickly—thankful that he’d never had a valet until recently—and ventured downstairs.

  He’d been successful in his aim to show Sarah that while she might not love him, he could bring her physical satisfaction. Now he couldn’t help but worry that she would seek that satisfaction with another man. Vaughan. The thought of the other man’s smug face had him clenching his hands.

  The intimacy within the carriage was too much to bear and his nerves were on edge. Better that he spend the rest of the trip sitting next to the carriage driver outside. He raised a hand to rap on the roof of the carriage but stopped just short when his wife cleared her throat.

  “Are you leaving?”

  “I thought I’d get some air. I didn’t get much sleep last night, and the morning air should keep me from falling asleep.”

  She looked away at his words, and for a brief moment he thought he could detect a hint of hurt on her face. It disappeared almost instantly, and he chided himself for thinking he could have any sway over her emotions.

  “I have something important to tell you.” Sarah met his gaze and this time, by the way she clenched her hands together in her lap, he could tell she was worried.

  He settled back in his seat and waited for her to continue. He wanted to ease her concern, but perhaps after the way he had been avoiding her lately, he would have to earn back her trust.

  “I didn’t want to say anything until I was certain, and after that you seemed to need some time to yourself…”

  He tensed but said nothing as he waited. He wouldn’t cut her off just yet, but heaven help him if she wanted to discuss Vaughan.

  “I am with child. There is no question… the child is yours.”

  Mixed emotions battled within him. Sarah, the woman he cared for beyond anything or anyone else, was pregnant with his child. Elation rose within him like a swift tide. But that elation was inextricably mixed with more than a hint of dread. After all, she’d been up front in telling him that she would make sure he had his heir first before looking elsewhere for companionship.

  “Say something,” she said.

  He realized that he must have been quiet for some time. Sarah was twisting her hands together in her lap, wrinkling the fabric of her dress.

  He spoke carefully, not wanting to give voice to his doubts. “I’m pleased.”

  “You don’t look happy. I thought you’d be overjoyed.”

  He remained silent, not wanting to ruin this moment with an argument. Sarah, however, had no qualms about continuing.

  “I make you a solemn promise, James, that I won’t be seeking the company of anyone else. I know you’ve come to expect the worst from me, but you should know that Robert’s actions were entirely his own. He made overtures to me, but I no longer reciprocate his feelings.”

  His eyes met hers, words jamming in his throat.

  When he didn’t reply, she continued. “I intend to be faithful to my wedding vows. To you.”

  Relief, pure and blessed, poured through him. He didn’t believe that his wife would lie just to ease his mind, not when she’d been so forthright with him before now. He wasn’t sure what had caused her to change her mind but co
uld no longer hold back his hope that Sarah was coming to care for him.

  No longer content to wait, he moved to sit next to her. He didn’t exactly pounce on her, but it was a near thing.

  He dragged her onto his lap, his blood heating when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his. He took her mouth with his, and as always, she responded eagerly.

  They spent the rest of the carriage ride home making up for having spent the previous two weeks apart. And, finally, Sarah fell asleep in his arms.

  For the first time since he’d been forced to accept that his new bride loved someone else and hadn’t wanted to marry him, James had hope for the future.

  Chapter 14

  Sarah couldn’t say if she was happy exactly, but she was certainly content with the new state of her marriage. A week had passed since their return to Hathaway Park, and she and James had settled into a new peace.

  She hadn’t told him that she loved him, but assuring him that she intended to remain faithful seemed to be all he required from her. There were even times when she could almost convince herself that James cared for her.

  Yes, she was content with her marriage.

  Her maid was hovering over her, having just stripped her down to her chemise, when Sarah froze. Turning away from the other woman, she lifted the fabric and gazed at her thighs in horror.

  “Is something the matter, my lady?” Alice asked as she came around to face her. Her gaze followed Sarah’s and she gasped. “I thought you were with child?”

  “I am,” Sarah said, releasing her chemise to hide the sight of the blood. “Call for Dr. Reynolds, quickly!”

  She watched Alice flee the room, standing in place a full minute. She tried to calm her racing heart as she moved to the bed, tossing the dress she’d worn onto its surface so she wouldn’t stain the bedclothes. She frowned down at it, remembering how much James seemed to like that dress.

  James found her several minutes later, rummaging through drawers, trying to remember where Alice kept the towels.